*tear*

ZOMG! I DIDN'T WEAR ANY MAKEUP TODAY!

This is new to me. And it happened without me really noticing.

So I kinda sorta maybe am applying that quite possibly I might need to... getajob. WHAT? I DIDN'T SAY THAT! WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING???!?!?!?!? PSH NAH...

Alright. So I want to have money. TECHNICALLY, by now I should have like $5,000 saved up from ALL my birthdays... but my parents put that in an account at the bank for college or some shit? THAT MONEY WAS FOR MY SPENDING TIME. Things that I want to buy! For me! For FUN! *sob* I know I'll need money then but this should be my summer of spending money on amazing things for myself. This will be the last one! My fricken only one! I never spent money as a child, my parents corrupted me with "save your money = happiness!" crap and so I never shopped or spent. So I figure this summer, this one last summer of getting to use daddy and mommy's money or my own birthday money should be allowed. Next year I'll have a car and a license and responsibilities... *realization*

HOLYCRAPNEXTYEARIMMAHAVETOBERESPONSIBILE! I have literal tears in my eyes!

I'm not responsible at all. And I'm serious about that. I don't do anything, or keep up with anything.

I figure if I had my own space and my own time and my own life I could easily and happily be responsible. For example, if I didn't have to tell my parents what I am doing every second, things would go more smoothly, and I wouldn't have to worry. If I could just do whatever and not be questioned or interrupted, life would be grand!

... Do I sound like a spoiled bitch?

Shoot.

I'm only rambling I swear. And it's 3am.

But I am serious! This is all within my daily thought process and why I don't ever do things! JUST LEAVE ME TO IT AND DON'T QUESTION UNLESS I ASK AND I WILL SOLVE IT.

I'm probably wrong. But I want to try it anyways, ya know? But that won't be possible until I have my own place and I die from not knowing what the hell I'm doing.

Help me.