Monday, July 19, 2010

Be Prepared for Mild Insanity.

Ugh. I'm having troubles. Time for one of Kayla's famous lists...
(Note: It's 4am, so I will sound like a high lunatic.)

1. If I stay up too long, I can't get myself to sleep.
2. If I don't stay up too long, I'm not satisfied, and I end up laying there for hours on end anyways.
3. Certain old memories and people are coming up. Some good, some not so much. And I'm not sure what to think.
4. I don't know who I am.
5. I don't know what I want to do.
6. What am I missing? I want more.
7. I'm questioning certain things... friendships, decisions...
8. I find myself reflecting a bit lately, and I'm not sure what to make of it.
9. My house is an effing mess.
10. Organizing what goes to my dads and what stays here is going to be a pain.
11. What the hell am I doing for this upcoming school year!?
12. I still have to pick songs for my competitions.
13. Ugh. I need to eat better.
14. Can I really survive with a wall up? I'm not used to that. Not sure if I'm happy or not.
15. AHHG.
16. I need more Jesus in my life.
18. Depth?
19. There are way too many thoughts encircling my mind right now... What the hell.
20. Why did I start swearing?
21. What am I going to be like in the school year? I don't want it to be like last year. I want to keep the summer happy-go-lucky-ness.
22. Oh shit.
23. I can't spend any time alone. It's like I get anxious. I should be able to be alone, no prob. But if I feel totally alone, I feel so unhappy... just bad. My negative thoughts take over and it's just not good. I'll have to get over that.
24. How do people plan things?
25. I forget everything.

I need to sleep.