Thursday, August 18, 2011


You can't say "I'm not a jealous person." until you've been given reason to be, and overcome it.

[This is from a friends perspective that I decided to write about.]

I always was a person who didn't get why people were so concerned over whether or not their partner was cheating or going to cheat. I figured, if they were cheating, they're not who you thought they were, so then get rid of the jerk! And relationships are about trust. So, just make sure you don't trust the person until you're 100% sure.
It was only until recently that I thought myself to be jealousy-free. I've never had a real threat. And I figured if I got one, it'd be easy. No big deal, my partner would never do anything to hurt me, whether that's cheating or straight-up dumping me for another.
Then I actually got one. Someone likes him, and want's us to break up. I've never had this happen, especially not because she generally really values him. It would be less scary, if I didn't think she actually liked him, or if she would be terrible for him. But... Frankly... She's a good person. She would never actually do anything to break us up. But the fact that she does like him and she is a good person... Scares me.
It would be different if I wasn't completely in love with him. It would also be different if I thought I deserved him more. Also... That he loves me as well.

I now know from talking to him and observing that he'd never do anything to break my heart, but I still get scared, I still get jealous... As my heart is indeed in his hands, and is very fragile.
I thought this sort of thing would be easy. If anything actually happened, well, at least you know he's not the one, and you can get rid of him.
But it's not that simple. He's got my heart. It would destroy me if it did happen.
So now I get it. I understand why people get jealous. I understand why people get so scared that their partner might leave them for another or cheat. If it's not from pervious experience, it's because you're scared the one you love will leave you.

I've learned another thing through this too.
He'd never do it. He loves me and I love him. And in order for the relationship to function properly, I have to trust that he'd never break my heart, and just love him with all I am.

I love you, dear. And I understand why she wants you. But I want you more, and you want me too.
That's why we have each other.

Monday, August 15, 2011


Well... What if I don't want to forget?

I've heard people say before, that in order to get over people, you need to forget them. The people you liked and the people you said you loved and the people you do love. The emotions you felt, the times you had, etc. After you forget all of that over time, then you can move on and love someone new, yes?

Well, what if I simply DO NOT want to forget?
Some people will argue, "Why? Don't you want to forget all the bad times, and the heartbreak you went through?" And I simply would rebuttle, "No."
I don't want to forget the wonderful time I had with you, I don't want to forget the feelings I had for you, I don't want to forget the way I felt when you messaged me, I don't want to forget that fight I had with you, I don't want to forget when you broke my heart.
"You're crazy."
Yes. I'm crazy because I want to remember all the emotions I had. The emotions that were so real, so vivid, so very important to me at the time. No I don't want to hold on to them forever, yes I want to get over them, but I want to REMEMEBER them. They were real. They make me, me.
There are certain times I don't want to remember though. But it's almost like I recieve a new view when I do remember, though. So, I guess I do want to remember still. Just some less often.