Person

Future has been bugging me lately, as well as present.

If someone were to have a conversation with future me, maybe right out of high school, this is what I'd want to hear:

Person: How do you feel now that you're graduated?

Me: I feel great! I'm super pumped for life and I know exactly what I'm going to do!

Person: Are you happy looking back on your high school career?

Me: Absolutely! I feel like I got everything out of it that I needed and wanted to. I have my best friends, great grades and GPA, and my music. Plus, I've had amazing unbelievable times like I've always dreamed, and I got to accomplish so many things through music. And throughout all of it, I've had Jesus guiding me through. *smile*

Person: Do you feel prepared for college life?

Me: Of course! I got my perfect college that's right for me and not too far away from family and friends. I've got everything prepared and I know I'm ready!

Person: Do you feel you know yourself?

Me: Yes I do. I know exactly who I am and who I want to be.

Person: What are you going to do now?

Me: CELEBRATE!

Ideally, that would be just a dream. I'm so afraid that I won't accomplish that dream though... everything seems pretty confusing right now. I'm young and got a long way to go, but I still can't help it, ya know?

I MADE SEMI FINALS!

Title says all. :) I advanced to the next level in Idol. :D Now all I have to do is pick a new song and sing well. :)

I'm so grateful for my supportive friends, as they really calmed my nerves and clapped really loud. X) Thank you so much!

Be Prepared for Mild Insanity.

Ugh. I'm having troubles. Time for one of Kayla's famous lists...

(Note: It's 4am, so I will sound like a high lunatic.)

Troubles:

1. If I stay up too long, I can't get myself to sleep.

2. If I don't stay up too long, I'm not satisfied, and I end up laying there for hours on end anyways.

3. Certain old memories and people are coming up. Some good, some not so much. And I'm not sure what to think.

4. I don't know who I am.

5. I don't know what I want to do.

6. What am I missing? I want more.

7. I'm questioning certain things... friendships, decisions...

8. I find myself reflecting a bit lately, and I'm not sure what to make of it.

9. My house is an effing mess.

10. Organizing what goes to my dads and what stays here is going to be a pain.

11. What the hell am I doing for this upcoming school year!?

12. I still have to pick songs for my competitions.

13. Ugh. I need to eat better.

14. Can I really survive with a wall up? I'm not used to that. Not sure if I'm happy or not.

15. AHHG.

16. I need more Jesus in my life.

17. I HAVENT USED MY FAIR PASS AND ITS GONNA EXPIRE.

18. Depth?

19. There are way too many thoughts encircling my mind right now... What the hell.

20. Why did I start swearing?

21. What am I going to be like in the school year? I don't want it to be like last year. I want to keep the summer happy-go-lucky-ness.

22. Oh shit.

23. I can't spend any time alone. It's like I get anxious. I should be able to be alone, no prob. But if I feel totally alone, I feel so unhappy... just bad. My negative thoughts take over and it's just not good. I'll have to get over that.

24. How do people plan things?

25. I forget everything.

I need to sleep.

But I want more.

So to catch up...

I have like 30 minutes 'till my friend gets here to hang out. So I figure I can use that to catch up on writing about my life since last post about my life. If that makes sense.

Anyway, in summary, I went to another crazy-ass CCC party, went to an 80's fest with Sarah, practiced singing at Hoolies with Morgan and her dad and Peter, almost ruined a graduation party, revived some memories, and questioned my being. Interesting week. But I want more.

It starts with the CCC party. It was a Disney movie marathon, but its always more interesting with the CCC. It's hard to explain, so I'll just leave it at that. But we watched The Goofy Movie, Tarzan, and Oliver and Company!

Next was this 80's fest. We went and saw "The Ladies of the 80's" (a cover band) preform many 80's songs (I knew almost every single one of them!) and got to go up and dance. It was exciting. :D I was bummed I didn't know there was a costume contest... I would've pwned. After we had a sleepover. :)

Then comes karaoke! I'm going to be competing in a competition called ***** Idol so we practice at Hoolies. (This restaurant is like my 2nd home. I know both owners, the employees, and those who go and eat there.) Anyway, I'll be competing in the teen division and singing "All Around Me" by Flyleaf for my first song. Between practicing, Morgan, Peter, and I sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen for a little fun. ;)

Okay, so I didn't almost ruin my cousin's grad party. But my mother sure made me feel like I did. I made us a bit late, and we provided the forks. DEAR GOD CALL THE COPS. Anyway, it ended up being just fine.

The memories I retrieved are from when I was in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (a musical.) I got to talk to a few different people who were in it with me, and it brought back so many memories. I had to go back and look at what I wrote about it and all the pictures. *tear* I miss it. :')

I am questioning my being. Who do I want to be? Yeah thats about it.

Well there you go. You may call it eventful, you may not. All I know is, I'm enjoying my summer, but I want more.

Taggy Bloggy Thingy!

I haven't written in awhile, and I super super am sorry about that, but I've been uber busy. I'll write super regularly when school starts *shudder* and I'll have more enthusiasm for it. For now, all I wanna do is go to the beach and party and work on singing competitions. :) Oh crap... Now I feel obligated to write about it... I feel 2 blog post day coming on... Anyway! I wastagged in a THING! Yeah! And I'm supposed to answer questions. So I'm gonna. :D

What shoe size are you?

It depends on the shoe. I honestly don't know.

Where do you work?

I don't. :D Never have! But I plan on either working at Caribou, T.J. Hooligans, or Tropical Smoothie Cafe next year so I can pay for things. :)

Favorite piece of clothing you own?

Uh. Uhm... OH! My 80's jacket! It's exactly like my personality, and shows my obsession for the 1980's. (The color is way different than below, that's just the editing.)

Your favorite blog?

Definite win by Hyperbole and a Half. I stayed up until 5am two nights in a row because I couldn't stop reading this blog. It's the first time I've laughed that hard in quite a bit of time from reading something.

Do you have any pets?

I have a dog named Bobo. He's an american eskimo, but he's quite old now and blind from cataracts. He still acts like he's young and tosses around his bone and is a major attention hog, even though he often runs into things... but he obviously doesn't mind.

How many siblings do you have?

None. Zip. Squat. Only child here baby, but I do have a friend I consider my brother, so I call him my "unbioligical brother." His name is David. :)

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Well, I haven't thought much about this. I've always dreamed I'd be going on tours... traveling to places and making people happy... but never thought about an actual PLACE where I'd live. I thought about what it would look like, but not location. I need to be able to see family and friends, but have my own life in a place that fits me. I just don't know where that is yet.

What were you doing before this?

Watching Disney and looking at Facebook. I also painted my nails rainbow (though I originally planned on black) and caught up on some blog reading.

Your favorite food?

My grandma's fudge. I called her Gamma. She made the best fudge and chicken noodle soup, and also the way she made french toast was my favorite. She always listened to me and loved me and I miss her greatly.

Do you have a middle name?

I feel like to know more about the answerer, this question should ask: "What is your middle name?" So I'll answer both. "Yes." and "Marie. It's incredibly original, isn't it? Though I have a story behind it."

Your favorite websites?

:) I do enjoy this question. My current favorites are Facebook, YouTube, Blogger, Lookbook, AddictingGames, etc. I will admit that for a great portion of my life I was um.. *cough* addicted to Club Penguin (I refuse to link it for fear of getting curious and re-logging in.) XD Don't judge. I had full membership and the most pimpin' igloo EVAH. :P

Who do you tag?

I'd love to tag my favorites, but I'm going to pull a low-confidence moment and say I doubt they'll respond. (Some.) Tag: Delphine, Two Beans, Legacy from A Stranger in a Strange Town, Allie from Hyperbole and a Half, Sarah from A day in the life of Miss Sarah.

Is that all I do? Or is there like a special process? Eh, whatever. Seeya, Imma write another less-casual catching-up blog post now. :)

Halleluja

I've recently been jamming out with a couple friends (Grace, Stobes) and our progress is... well, not very progressive. But hey, how much do you expect out of a first rehearsal? We're going to learn Halleluja by Paramore as well as a couple other songs too. I'll be singing and filling in on guitar and piano where needed.

We started off by basically playing randomly... actually no, technically we started off with eating doughnuts and listening to me complain about how tired and hot I was from lack of sleep and biking all day. It's a legit excuse to complain.

We ended up deciding we all need to learn our parts for Halleluja and then we'd meet up again. So with that figured out, we relaxed by playing mind-crumbling Brawl. After that we played Call of Duty for more relaxing of course and then I left to go back home after spending more than 24 hours with Miss Grace.

Awhile back I had constructed a "Breakup Kit" for those who just went through a tough breakup and need a little support. I got all my supplies ready, now all I need is something to put it in and BOOM! Insta-fun for the hurt heart. :D It's legitimate, fasho.

(Random thought: I really need to go to the Fair soon...)

Well, shalomala 'till next post... and don't forget to wash your makeup off BEFORE entering your shower. Trust me, I would know.

IPhone???

I'm currently posting this from my iPhone... Just to inform you that I can post things from anywhere now. :D

Muahahahaha...

New phone + new number + me = freaking friends out.

Oh yes.

You see, I have a couple friends who would do the same to me. Thus, oh my word I am so gonna have fun with this. *checks phone* ... Damn they're good. Need a new victim.

For those of my friends that actually read my blog, you will be spared of this torture. :D So there's a good reason to read this. :D *mutters evil laugh*

So anyway, my iPhone arrived, if you didn't already figure that out. *happy*

In other news...

Ahh, night-time Facebook ranting. Don't you just love it?

Me:

Okay, ever heard friendship or any sort of relationship is a two way street? Yeah, it takes both people making an effort for it to go anywhere. So those people who I "never see" or we "need to hang out" and never do or "miss me" ... well show it. I sure as hell miss you, but I can't keep trying to plan things with no effort from anyone else. Do you actually care? At all?

Comments:

Me: To cover any "drama" or whatever high school mellow-dramatic things people might think or do or assume... this is absolutely NOT directed towards any one person or group. This is me, expressing an opinion of mine.

Hahaha. Ranting.

But its so true.

I should end this post in a cool fashion or something. It's really gone nowhere. I'll talk about my week.

I hung out with some friends, went swimming (it got late so it was like night swimming. :D) and then came back and watched movies and raided my fridge. Then today I went to a psych marathon with the gang (different from the CCC) and ran away sheepishly from bees. (I'm pretty sure bees are demons.) Tomorrow I'll be going to hang with some friends. (The CCC.) :D

That's about it... so see ya. May your teeth never be replaced by freshly ironed wool socks.

Be Proud.

I'm finally taking the steps into preparing for the zombie apocolypse. I never really thought about it, which is dumb because I mean, ZOMBIES! I really hate zombies. They scare the living bajeebus out of my every nerve. I wouldn't want to have to stand there helplessly as the zombies come for me, having no plan. That would be horrible.

So I'm soon planning on camping out in my friends yard. She has zombies that attack once in awhile. Thus, I need a plan. I know for sure that I'll be bringing my ninja sword and constructing a zombie repelent. But I think it's finally time to invest in a lightsaber. Not only because it could help in a zombie attack, but because lightsabers are fricken amazing. I'm also thinking I should do my research so I can best protect myself and my friends from the zombies. I guess I'll have to watch "Shawn of the Dead" again.

In other news, I just got an iPhone 3G. :D That's exciting. I heard the iPhone 4's suck anyway. So yeah. Happy times and more distractions from sleeping. If you didn't know this already, I stay up. Really late. Every night. AND THIS FRICKEN TINY COMPUTER I'M ON WON'T LET ME FORMAT MY POST. ZAWWWWWWWWWWGZZZERR.

I'm currently angry. But I don't feel ike typing it out so I'm gonna go color a picture and maybe type later.

*tear*

ZOMG! I DIDN'T WEAR ANY MAKEUP TODAY!

This is new to me. And it happened without me really noticing.

So I kinda sorta maybe am applying that quite possibly I might need to... getajob. WHAT? I DIDN'T SAY THAT! WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING???!?!?!?!? PSH NAH...

Alright. So I want to have money. TECHNICALLY, by now I should have like $5,000 saved up from ALL my birthdays... but my parents put that in an account at the bank for college or some shit? THAT MONEY WAS FOR MY SPENDING TIME. Things that I want to buy! For me! For FUN! *sob* I know I'll need money then but this should be my summer of spending money on amazing things for myself. This will be the last one! My fricken only one! I never spent money as a child, my parents corrupted me with "save your money = happiness!" crap and so I never shopped or spent. So I figure this summer, this one last summer of getting to use daddy and mommy's money or my own birthday money should be allowed. Next year I'll have a car and a license and responsibilities... *realization*

HOLYCRAPNEXTYEARIMMAHAVETOBERESPONSIBILE! I have literal tears in my eyes!

I'm not responsible at all. And I'm serious about that. I don't do anything, or keep up with anything.

I figure if I had my own space and my own time and my own life I could easily and happily be responsible. For example, if I didn't have to tell my parents what I am doing every second, things would go more smoothly, and I wouldn't have to worry. If I could just do whatever and not be questioned or interrupted, life would be grand!

... Do I sound like a spoiled bitch?

Shoot.

I'm only rambling I swear. And it's 3am.

But I am serious! This is all within my daily thought process and why I don't ever do things! JUST LEAVE ME TO IT AND DON'T QUESTION UNLESS I ASK AND I WILL SOLVE IT.

I'm probably wrong. But I want to try it anyways, ya know? But that won't be possible until I have my own place and I die from not knowing what the hell I'm doing.

Help me.

Hello.

You've got some splainin' to do!

Yeah, so past few day's I've neglected this blog. I guess you could say I went on an emotional and mental journey. I guess?

Well, I wanted to write out my inner feelings in a creative and inspiring way. It's challenging. Thus, I wasn't on this blog. You see, I'm not going to share my deepest secrets over blogspot, for anyone who knows me can read them. Anyway, while I was off being deep and stuff, I had some fun time's in-between.

Huh. You think I'd remember everything I did in the past few days. Time to check Facebook. Ahh got it. So I'll start at friday since I don't remember thursday at all. So friday I remember having nothing to do, and I ended up going to this restaurant and seeing a band play. They were all older guys (quite old) but they were really great at what they did.

I found out from my dad that the guitarist might become my guitar teacher, which is exciting because then I get to learn more guitar. :D And this guy was real good. Oh. And later on that night I wrote the beginning of a song. :D

On saturday, I went shopping at a mall with Grace and Abby. We three being completely crazy, had an amazing time.

Real quick, just a note, I must fill you in that Grace and I have a summer bucket list. One of the things to do on the list includes having an "emo/scene/goth day" and a "gansta day."

I ended up buying a black beret, my gangsta shirt (obviously for gangsta day), a bright yellow tutu (for scene day), and purple hair dye (also for scene day).

FTW!

*cough*

It was exciting. We ended up coming back to my house after also buying frozen yogurt (me), cinnamon sticks (Abby), and pretzels (Grace) and taking pictures in our tutus. I'll post pics on here later.

Then I got home and sulked for reasons not known by you.

Today I played guitar hero for about 6 hours and then ate dinner with some family on the porch. Later on I went and saw fireworks (happy 4th!) and met up with a friend and caught up.

When I went home I played some piano, some guitar... sulked a bit...

And now I'm here. Hello.