:'(

So today my friend Grace and I got together for a long-awaited photoshoot we'd been planning for quite awhile. We planned on taking pics at a park, downtown and in front of these graffiti-covered trains to create amazing profile pictures. Hah.

Anyways, we changed outfits for each new location for complete different looks, and stopped to get a refreshing drink every once in awhile, since we were biking everywhere.

I was feeling confident and pretty while getting my picture taken, and I felt like a good photographer while taking the pictures of Grace. It was a lot of fun and I was excited to see the pictures go up on Facebook.

When I got the notification that I was being tagged in a bunch of photos, I got super excited and looked through them all, getting especially excited about the train pictures. As soon as I got to them... well picture a wide-eyed look of confusion and concern. The pictures were fabulously taken, but I looked FAT.

Never before had I thought this about myself so much. I had a little bit of a confidence bug when it came to weight, but I always thought I was pretty good. Now looking at these photos, I realized that I was wrong. It made me want to go exercise. Never eat again. Regret eating the ice cream I just had.

This needs to not happen. I'm young, and I shouldn't have to worry. But I am. It makes me upset. I want to cry.

Boo.

Now what?

*sigh* I don't want to post this, for fear of people going:

"OMG YOU'RE NOT FAT!"
"Omg, don't go anorexic!"
"Omg, Kayla. OMG OMG OMG BLAH BLAH BLAH."

... You get the point. No, I'm not gonna go anorexic. But I do wanna eat better. Exercise more. For now I just feel crappy. :( And this is how I'm gonna rant. So bear with me.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the pictures. I just need to... idk... eat better. Bleh.

... I don't know how to end this. So yeah. Bye.

HOLD THE PHONE!

It's been forever. I know. I'm sorry.

But it's not like anyone waits for me to post anyways. XD

So. I suppose I should do a quick overview of everything that's happened since I last wrote.

Here we go:

I love love love Nevershoutnever and his adorable music.

I've been Skyping a lot with some amazing people. ;)

I've been hanging out with a group of people from camp and we take amazing pictures.

Had a cool sleepover with the girls of The Gang. :D Some interesting things I learned. 0.o

I've decided to dye my hair purple half way through the year.

Edited a butt-ton of pictures.

Found out I can fourwheel.

Went to several parties.

<3>

Went to the mall several times.

Had an amazing photoshoot with a friend, in front of some cool trains with graffiti.

Still trying to figure out how to design my room.

Went to one rehearsal. Got made fun of, but brought it back and nailed it.

Saw a good friend from a play, who now joined Midsummer. :D

Got some cool things, planning on getting more.

Wrote several songs.

Etc, etc.

So yeah. There's your update. I just didn't feel like writing for awhile and so I didn't. Then I completely forgot about it. Heh. But I'm back. :)

Achoo.

*cough*Iwantyoutotalktome.Idontwanttohavetostarttheconversation.*cough*

*cough*Idontknowhowyoufeelaboutme. ImnotsureIwanttoknow.*cough*

*cough*OkaysoIdowanttoknow. ButIdontwantyoutoknowIknow. *cough*

*cough*Imincrediblyconfusedateverythingever. AndIknowitllstaythatway. *cough*

Wooh. I think I'm getting a cold.

Hehehe. This aughta be interesting.

There are certain people in my life that just make me happy. But letting them know that in my way (writing extremely heart-felt things) would probably creep them out. So they just don't get to know.

... Is that bad?

Maybe I can just say a bunch of anonymous things on here to people. And nobody but me will ever know who they are to and what they mean!

And they don't all have to be positive! I can write to anybody!

Sounds like a plan.

To awesome guy who acts at all these churchy things I go to:

You are amazing! I only wish I could've gotten to know you, and not just to say hi. I'm very impressed at your acting skills and your braveness to get up there. *applause*

To dude who I think is quite adorable:

Why must you be 3 years older than me? I don't like that because I think it would be looked upon with scorn. Bleh. But you're adorable none the less. Wish I knew you a bit more though... But I do not have a crush on you like everyone thinks. I just think you're cute.

To awesome new friend:

We have so much in common! It makes me happy! Plus, you're super positive and you appear to care about me, so that's happy. :) And having someone to join me when I sing just makes my day, legit. X)

To people who send me "good morning" texts:

You make my day. :D

Dear group of friends:

People always say they don't like drama. Well then why create it? Ptthh. It's really too bad the group is splitting up because certain individuals just couldn't deal with others (who btw, you were friends with for quite awhile, jussayin' and I hate to see that change so quickly.) I find that the mature thing would be to just work it out and not freak out about stuff. Respect each other. Oh, but I suppose I don't know the story. Ohwait. I do. :P

Dear other group of friends:

We have so much fun together, but I sometimes feel like I'm not respected. I need to be able to feel safe with you guys, and right now I'm not at that point.

Dear other other group of friends:

Well gbye I guess. Hey now, I try to make an effort to get together, but apparently you don't care so much for me anymore since you make no effort at all. We used to be best friends. :/

Dear blue and gold school I was gonna go to:

I'm sorry, but it looks like I won't be going to school there. I go to every event though, so you'll see me. :) And I still live near here, so anybody can make plans with me! Just note, it's a 2 way street. You gotta do some planning too.

Dear maroon and gold school:

Those are your colors right? I'm still pretty new to you, but I guess I'll be at this school this upcoming year. I hope to meet many people in the school and make tons of friend whilst making this the best year yet and finding myself.

Dear sammich:

Imma eat you.

Dear guy friend with aweshome hair:

I learned some more about you this past week, and you're quite the cool guy. :) I love the poems and stuff and I love the caring nature in you. Oh, and I love that drawing, it's adorable. Shoot... I just told you about this blog didn't I? Oh well, you're cool, feel cool. Nom nom nom.

Dear guy friend who lives further out but comes to see me:

I love you! You're awesome, and I feel you understand what I tell you for the most part, and you care. And you drive out to come see me. I hope I can be as good of friend to you as you are to me. And I plan on it.

Dear x:

I truly do hope you're doing well. I hope you're a happy person, and I hope you regret telling lies about me... because people know me, they tell me what you say, and they know you lie. I think you made some new enemies. Not my fault. Despite everything, I still would never wish the worst upon you. And I didn't reply because I can't let negativity back into my life... but I'm not and immature typical-teen who ignores people. I'll say hi to you, but I'm not letting you back into my life.

Dear family:

I don't feel like I can be "me" around you, and I don't feel like you're proud of me. I really don't want anything to do with you lately, just because of these feelings. I try, I do. Why don't you ever see that?

Dear directors of "A Midsummer Night's Dream":

Thanks for giving me the part of "Cobweb" the fairy! You won't regret it! :D

Dear dude I only talked to on chat but now we hang out and talk in groups:

I think I liked you better before... I just don't like getting made fun of all the time. Yeah, you're just kidding, but that's just me... I don't like getting made fun of all the time. Tone it down a bit please?

Dear person who I've written songs about:

You're not the only person I've written songs about, but you're the main one I write about. It still bugs me a bit... what you did... how it ended. Even though at this point, I really am over you completely. For awhile now actually. Getting hurt that much doesn't quite appeal to me. You prolly have your false view of me still too. Eh. You apologized, but still don't really talk to me. It makes me wonder how much of what you actually say you mean. Oh, and I'm sorry the timing was off. I couldn't help that. And you didn't help by putting me down either. I still wish you well though. I always wish you well. And I hope the thought of me isn't equivalent to my thought of you.

Dear person who I know will read this and text me about it:

Ahaha. :) Hi Ben.

Dear all people who read this:

Thank yuuuuuuuu. :D

Dear good? friend:

I care about you so much, but the way you acted made me wonder how much you care about me. I'm really bad at accepting what people say lately, and this didn't help that at all.

Dear silly awesome guy friend:

I nevah see you and I wanna fix that.

Well thank was fun. :D Now lets sit back and watch people wonder... ask... freak out... assume. :) This is gonna be fun. :P Thanks for reading. I might take this down tomorrow, just 'cause. It's cool to get these things out though. *shrug*

Blank.

And the sad part is, I still won't say it. If I say anything, it'll be a broad little piece of shit nobody can figure out. And that's just how it works.

Doubley.

So... I've realized that in certain posts I sound like a drugged-up-melodramatic-crazy-ass-teen who must be on some type of shrooms whilst writing her blog or on ecstasy while doing the things she writes about.

And I'm perfectly fine with that. I swear to drunk I'm not God.

Something I'd like to clear up right now though: I'm completely sober at all times. For not only would it be illegal for me not to be, but also that I just don't roll like that. 'Kay?

Well Kayla, then why do you write and act so crazily?!

'Cause! 'Cause I can! And 'cause I'm that way! Ask anyone! Except I'm even more psychopath-esque than I've written about. Maybe I should be more psychopathic. Or, maybe I can be both... for those who like one way better than the other. Idk. Maybe I'll just have moments?

Anyway, I feel the need to tell you that there are way too many sounds going on in my room right now... I feel like I'm in a tornado or something. Or like a raging thunderstorm like you see in movies. Phenomenal. I could see me acting in one-a those.

The sounds I mean are my fan on high speed and my window open. It's just really dramatic for me I guess. You'd get it if you were here.

Oh. And I'm not psychopathic all the time. I can be a deep thinker and a ear when someone needs to talk. I like both ways of acting.

Speaking of acting... I'm gonna be auditioning for a play coming up! It's SHAKESPEARE! :D!!!

I love Shakespeare.

So it's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and I'm auditioning with a monologue from "Much Ado About Nothing."

Every play I've auditioned for, I've known nothing about. And that record is still going.

Yeah. So it'll be amazing. I was a fairy in a parade today to advertise it. :) And then I sang at Laker Idol and didn't place but I don't care 'cause in my opinion their judging system is bullshizzle. Hurrah, run on sentence.

After that I went swimming in my clothes for the millionth time this summer and watched fireworks.

I said some interesting things at the fireworks show. My friend Jordan made a Facebook post about it:

At the fireworks:
"I think they should continue the helicopter rides during the fireworks." -Kayla
"That might be a bit dangerous, just saying." - Jared
"But even if you did die, how epic would that be? The obituary would be all 'died in a freak helicopter/firework accident.' AWESOME. You would be the talk in heaven!" -Kayla

A typical conversation with my friends :) Kaylee, Melanie, Jordan

I felt so awesome. And loved. Special too. It was a good thing. Being tagged is my favorite. And for a quote too?? LEGIT!!! I feel complete. For just a day.

OHMYFRICKENGRACIOUSGOODNESSTIEDTOGETHERINAWESOMESAUCE!

My friend Anna, just 2 seconds ago, tagged me in a post! OMRGGTTIAS! (acronym for above exclamatory statement.) It said "Kayla, I love you."

How nice is that??

Day made. Doubley. :D

(I prolly aughta explain the long exclamatory thing. That's like a bunch of my catch phrases put together so as to emphasize my excitement. :)

Creativity? Yep, that's the word for it.

I feel it's time you know what I do when I'm home alone.

When I'm not writing music or on Facebook or the phone, I do some entertaining things... without even trying sometimes. For example:

Last night, I was on the computer. There was this tiny bug that kept flying onto my screen, and it was starting to annoy me. It got to the point where it'd freekin' crawl all over the screen, completely distracting me from what I was doing. Thus, I decided that the bug had to die. *insert maniacal laugh here* I had to think quick before it got away, and a simple hand-swipe wouldn't do. So, I grabbed the nearest item (which happened to be a sock) and started randomly whacking my computer screen repetitively with all the rage I had for this evil bug. After I calmed down and stopped whacking my computer screen, I looked around huffing and puffing to see where my victim had fallen. When I couldn't find it, I looked around in the air. Psh, cmon... how could it have survived that?? I then heard a loud buzzing noise in my ear and I screamed bloody murder as flailed around. It struck revenge. And then it got away.

Maybe the interesting part is actually how I go about things...

But anyways, another example of my crazy antics happened just a few minutes ago. It all started when I got the idea to try and make a glove out of a sock. Don't ask. I cut it to look perfect, but I still wasn't satisfied. I wanted it to be green. So, I went into my basement in search of some dye. I needed something to put it in, and couldn't find any containers that I could throw out in case I ruined it. So I decided to use a bag instead. A Cheetos bag. But of course, I had to eat the Cheetos first. Okay, it wasn't a smart idea to use a Cheetos bag, I know. I ended up using a paint cup. But anyway, the real story is the Cheetos. So I started eating my little bag of Cheetos... and right away I found myself utterly unsatisfied. The last Cheetos I had had before the current bag had been flaming hot Cheetos. These were just regular. Well, I told myself that they just wouldn't do, so I went on search to make my Cheetos spicier. I searched through my spices around the house, not knowing anything about any of them except for one kind. I took the container out and sprinkled some on a plate. The pieces were too big for Cheetos. So I tried to crush them. I failed. But I put them in the Cheetos bag anyway and shook it. I then tried some Cheetos, expecting a pleasantly spicy treat. Nope. Boring.

I decided I'd have to venture off into unknown spices. I looked around in the cabinet until my eyes rested on some Chili Powder. In my mind, I was thinking "Hmm. I've heard of this stuff. It's gotta be hot enough." I then put some on a plate and tried some on my finger.

While I was chewing ice, I looked for some less spicy stuff. I tried this and that, but nothing worked. I decided I'd just put a bit of the Chili Powder on my Cheetos and try them, standing next to the freezer, just in case.

I nervously shook the bag and tried one of the newly flavored Cheetos...

Success!! It was delicious and perfectly spiced. When I finished eating my awesome amazing creative creation and telling the world of my genius, I looked down to see my fingers covered in orange from the Cheetos, with little spots of Chili Powder too. Excited, I licked one finger and waited for more yumminess to happen. A few seconds later, I realized that there was a bit too much powder and that my tongue was now on fire.

In a normal persons mind, this would be bad. For me, it became a game. I quickly shoved the other orange finger into my mouth and counted to see how long I could stand it. When I felt I was about to explode, I dashed into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of ice and quickly put it on my burning tongue, laughing at my own stupidity.

The good part? I'm amusing to myself as well as others. :) Hehe. So there you go, I find ways to entertain myself when I'm alone, and they often make decent stories to tell.

Note: Certain parts of these stories are more of a dramatization, but everything I write here happened.

OMG, DID SHE DIE? DID KAYLA DIE?

Yes. Well, the old me did.

You see, I wasn't able to write for a week or so because I was at bible camp. And it changed my life.

I feel so much closer to Jesus.

I made tons of amazing friends who care about me and treat me right.

Worship was amazing.

Services were fan-freakin'-tastic times twenty million. It's like everything I needed to hear, was said. Like it was just for me.

I climbed the iceberg. If you don't know what that is, I'll tell you: It's a huge, iceberg-shaped floating climbing wall on water. Wanna know something? I am afraid of heights, rock walls, and drowning. And I climbed it. Twice. Epic epic epic win.

Btw, the camp theme was "Epic." Legit, I know.

I legitimately feel different. I don't want to be the same way at all. So I'm no longer old me. I'm new me. The me who loves Jesus times a bajillion and wants to tell the world. So, I'm gonna.