Winter Break

My friend Ben is patiently awaiting another post on this blog. So here's to you, Ben! You're the one who cares to read this the most anyways.

So just a quick sum up of lately:

Been trying to start up some other blogs for different reasons I'll post about later.

Christmas with the family was good. Got lots of gift cards, my animal hat I'd been wanting, and some other cool things too. My family is starting to recognize that I am a tolerable human being who can hold conversation, and not just a child. Though I am, in a sense, the odd-ball of my family. I think they're starting to accept that though. I really enjoyed Christmas this year.

Been hangin' with boyfriend. His birthday was the other day, so we celebrated with fondue and such. I got him chocolates (he loves chocolate as much as me! :o) and a gift card to FYE for both birthday and Christmas. He got me chocolates and ductape for Christmas, since that's what I wanted. x) I think he still plans to get me something else, but he wants me to pick it out.

Decisions. Don't like them.

I've been listening to a lot of mew music, and am always looking for more.

I'm currently on winter break.

Yeah. So that's your update. Catching up on things right now, but I'll be able to write more later. Hope all is well and everyone's holiday season is merry!

The Weather is Racist?

And suddenly... SNOWPOCALYPSE!

... Round 2.

So we'll be snowed in I'm sure. Again. Woohoo.

I like the snow, but really, it's only worth being stuck if there isn't any school the next day. Which I doubt. Cause lol, they don't do that.

Either way, I'm ready for hot chocolate and marshmallows, curling up by the fire with someone special, and listening to Christmas music. :)

Hurmamerm.

**WARNING** THIS POST IS A RANT. IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO READ OTHER PEOPLE RANTING, THEN DO NOT READ THIS. IF YOU FIND RANTS HUMOROUS, OR YOUR GENUINE CARING-BUG FLARES UP AND YOU FEEL THE NEED TO READ THIS, GO FOR IT. OTHERWISE, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. *Note: I didn't re-read this. So... lookout.

*rant starts*

So I'm confused.

Confused about what?

Life.

What about life?

Several things...

Like what?

*sigh* Uhm... Like, just things! A lot of things!

Could you give me an example?

:/ Well, for one, I just think way too much. That's why I get confused. And for another, I can't do anything ever, cause I can't get organized and I don't know why so that makes me confused, and I have all these goals that I want to do but when I get there I get lazy and THAT confuses me, and every time my life is going well, my mind always finds one little thing that's wrong about it, and then I dwell on that thing and it makes me feel all upset and then I'm in an endless cycle of absolute madness! And not even the good kind!

... Woah. Uh. Yeah. ... Well I gotta go...

Life man. Life.

You know what I want? I want some time on my own. I want to get away from the world, where no one can bug me and I can work through everything I need to work through. Change my perspective back to what it was.

Right now, I get angry a lot. And I get frustrated with people. And with myself. I feel stressed and that there's a big weight on my shoulders and people just criticize me and I can't do anything. And I never used to get angry or frustrated. But I think its mostly the people I'm surrounded with. Not like my friends... but those I am forced to be around. I mean I love everyone nonetheless but I just need a break.

But I won't get it.

So what am I to do? I've developed so many random pet-peeves, I've been randomly pissy if anyone says anything remotely annoying or frustrating, and sometimes I just get sad. Then I want people to leave me alone. But they won't. They don't understand. But this is not me!

I'm not this way!

I wanna get back to fun happy-go-lucky me. Then I'll be more willing to shovel through crap too.

I think another factor is the weather. I used to love winter, now I feel cooped up. I needa go running. Gotta get out. But I can't.

SO WHAT AM I TO DO?

Grr.

Don't get me wrong. I'm very lucky. I'm just confused and cooped up and put down and I'm frustrated. I just need some time to myself.

But I'm not in charge of the life I want so desperately to be in charge of.

Myself.

Why? Because I'm not a person. I'm a child. A teen. And we aren't people to those of 'legal age'.

They look at me and think 'teenage rebellion.'

And sure, I sound like it. But no one knows my mind. And that's all I'll say.

Either way I dunno what to do. If you read this, I'm sorry. You read a rant. A rant I typed frantically in about 2 minutes.

I like advice. But I want to warn you, I know the way my mind has been working lately, and I'll want to take your advice in an appreciative manner, but no matter how hard I try I could take offense. Damn teenage brain.

I'm posting this because I'll read it tomorrow and find it humorous, because often times these little rants are in short spurts and don't make sense. So maybe you'll find it humorous too. Assuming someone reads this.

Anywho, comment what you like. I'm off to distract myself. Tata.

*rant over*